Monster Endurance: Am I Any Good?
Endurance is a topic near and dear to my heart. I dunno if it comes from being the granddaughter of a cattle rancher, pioneers who settled Idaho and Utah, or if it's just my stubbornness. Either way, it's a quality within myself that I take particular pride in. It's something I have learned slowly and surely. That said, some days every author looks at their writing and questions, "Is this any good?"
So how do we endure when that monster sits on our shoulder whispering, "Your work sucks."
This how I endure through it.
I ask myself, "Why? Why am I feeling like this?" and I find there's always one of three reasons:
1) My internal voice is mean. I have worked with a therapist for almost six years getting to a place where I can acknowledge any positive trait about myself, so of course she's going to be mean to me sometimes. Sometimes I've argued with my husband or a friend and I'm second guessing everything about myself. Sometimes seeing another writing piece so amazing it does the opposite of inspire and imposter syndrome rears its ugly head. How could I ever be as good as that? Sometimes I just look at my rejections and cry.
2) I'm giving the external voices too much power. Maybe a friend has been overly critical. Maybe that nagging professor that told me I'd never write anything worthwhile is particularly loud. Maybe I have gotten another rejection.
3) My writing actually sucks. Writers don't want to admit that, but sometimes we write crap. Sometimes our final piece has come after being scrubbed, rewritten, edited, cut all together, added back in, rewritten from another personality, or twisted about until its a tangled up knot. Sometimes its still not good enough.
It takes a little bit to figure out which of those reasons it is, to figure out where our drive needs to push us. And, unfortunately, it requires honesty and self-reflection to know which we need to lean into. You might need to try different things out to see what fits. Here are my tips for vanquishing those three "faults."
1) Acknowledging that I was mean to myself was harder than I expected, it wasn't until my therapist flat said, "Say that to your daughter." And I went, "What?! No that's mean!" I simply was so used to my negative self-talk that I didn't recognize it, but acknowledging it went a long way.
Acknowledging it and practicing ignoring it. I have written myself so many positive affirmation post-it notes. "Today is already a success! It just hasn't happened yet!" "The book is the way its supposed to be, regardless of if it sells." "Small eeps, lead to big RAWRS!" "I can do this even if I don't believe it." Each of them are personal and counter that inner voice that isn't always so little.
When a negative thought surfaces, say "I understand that part of me feels that way, but continuing on is part of my dreams, so I will show up for myself, even if I suck at it."
Give yourself PERMISSION to FAIL. Margaret Atwood said in her masterclass, "Fail. Fail better." And I live hard by that.
2) If its external, can you put space between you and that negative outlet? If its your friend's overly critical comments, wait until your book is exactly the way you want it and you are confident in yourself (maybe even published) before you ask them to read it. Don't give them the developing plots, or questions about your plotholes.
If it's seeing that stack of rejections, file them out of sight. Put something in its place that is uplifting. One of your acceptance letters, a printout of the last page where you wrote "The end." Art of your characters. Something inspiring, hopeful, fun.
If its a memory (like my snotty professor) look at all the things you have done since to teach you how to do it better. Look at the growth you've achieved. I'm published both traditionally and independently. I have so many beautiful skills I've learned since then. Sure, I still have a long way to go for my full dreams, but its just work to get there, and I will.
I'd also recommend watching the "Eye of the Untold Her" by Lindsey Stirling, it follows her very public "rejections" in 2010 America's Got Talent, and how she's grown since then, it's a quick glimpse at many of her performances and successes. It's a beautiful note toward dealing with outside rejections and imposter syndrome.
3) If its actually your writing, remember first drafts are vomit drafts. They are supposed to suck. They are the basic idea of your story so you can make it grow and become beautiful. They're the seed, not the fruit. You have to have something down to edit.
If you are at your editing stage, and you have edited all those big picture things (the structure, the plot, the characters) and you still feel that your writing sucks on the line level here's my tips:
Boring Writing
Do You have a Passive Voice?
Look for was/were sentences, they're boring. Move toward actual action.
Instead of:
Ricky was slicing a tomato.
Use:
Ricky sliced a tomato.
Are You Filtering?
It's usually marked with verbiage like "I felt," "I saw," or "I heard," and it slows your writing down.
Instead of:
I felt the wind whipping my hair.
Use:
The wind whipped my hair.
Are You Archaic?
Genre influences voice and vice versa, imagine reading a Jane Austen in space. That would have vastly differing impact to Stephen King. Both could work, but both would be unexpected, that could be a selling point, or could be your grave.
Read current stuff in your Genre, experiment. Remember, if you're bored readers will be as well.
Overall Length
Is It Too Short?
Sometimes as writers, we don't give ourselves room to breathe.
We often skip scenes thinking they're boring, only to miss some much needed context.
Recently, I was rejected because I tried to put too much content into a short story. It made the story feel rushed and disconnected. It was a hard hit, but also made sense.
Clarity is essential.
*See the scene examples below for an example of a mundane scene that gives plenty of context.
Is It Too Long?
Look at your word count. Debut fantasy novels top out at 120,000 words for a reason, usually because writers like to write, but it doesn't make it good to read.
Don't include all your worldbuilding. Don't include scenes that don't add to character and plot and intensity.
Less is almost always more.
Sentence Structure
Sentence Structure might be the hardest thing of all, because its tied so closely to voice, which is how a writer becomes an author. In my experience with my fellow writers, most can intuitively tell something's wrong with a section, even if we don't know what is causing it to be wrong. Here's some things to watch for:
How Do You Recognize Repetition?
Are your sentences seeming to always start with your main character's name or their pronoun? Do you always start a sentence with a subject?
Whether zoomed into a line level or zoomed out to a chapter level, saying the same thing in the same way becomes tedious.
Many grammar checkers will flag if you are starting sentences the exact same way.
This can be done effectively, but the key here is to watch for intention.
What's it Sound Like?
Read your work aloud.
Anytime you find yourself slipping into the "Charlie Brown Adult" voice (that "wah-wah, wah wah.") you're likely bored with your own writing.
The same goes for "skimming" if you're reading silently.
Highlight those sections in a bright color. Look at those highlights and ask yourself what you are looking for?
More details?
More characterization?
More action?
More emotion?
Less?
You might be able to cut the entire scene.
How's the Sentence Length?
Choose a random paragraph and count the words in each sentence.
If that count looks something like, "10 words. 12 words. 13. 15. 10. 12," then your writing is falling into patterns, which reads boring.
Vary up the sentence lengths. Throw some 3-5 word sentences in there for a punch. Put in a long poetic description of a waterfall that's 24 words.
*Also be wary that a semi-colon may look like one sentence, but it usually reads like two.
How Do You Craft Your Sentences?
Look at your sentence crafting.
Are you varying Simple, Compound, Complex, and Compound-Complex structures? Or do you continually see "Noun verb, feeling. Noun verb, feeling." or maybe "Noun verb, and/but/so noun verb?"
Watch for your patterns in run-ons, in using compound or dependent clauses continually.
What Types of Sentences Do You Include?
Prose. Dialogue. Description. Inner thoughts. Backstory.
Variety is one of the greatest spices for a reason.
Putting It in Action
Writing is a skill that takes years upon years to learn. Honing your craft develops your voice and separates you from other writers.
There are countless books on how to craft good sentences, but one way that helped me, was to analyze a couple of my own paragraphs.
Lets pretend this is the first draft of our opening page of our new novel.
Sarah was tired. She stumbled into the kitchen, then got the coffee. She spilled the water trying to put it in the maker, then mopped it up with the wet rag her son had left out. She had to go get filters from the pantry, then hit start. She brewed herself a cup, then thought to ask her husband if he wanted some.
A rather boring scene. Why?
There's little context other than she brewed coffee. We learned she's a mom and wife?
She's tired. We're told she is tired, rather than shown it. Yes she "stumbled" shows, is it enough?
What about sentence length. 3, 9, 24, 12, 15. Other than the first, they're all long and similarly structured. Subject doing something, then doing something else.
In general its passive: She was tired. She had to go to get rather than she gathered filters from the pantry.
Remember what I said about skipping scenes that we need to offer context? What if this is our first introduction to Sarah? What if its not so much about the coffee, but more about real insight into Sarah?
Let's try revision two:
Stumbling into the kitchen, Sarah grabbed the coffee pot and filled it with water. Yawning, she upended it to fill the coffee maker.
"Son of a..." she yelped.
Water splashed everywhere.
Snatching up the wet, wadded towel from where her son had abandoned it last night after "helping" with the dishes, she mopped it up.
Well, that didn't work. Sighing, she grabbed a fresh rag. How many times did she need to remind him to wring it out?
Then, she reached for the filters.
"Seriously?" Throwing the empty filter bag in the garbage, she stormed to the pantry for more. Ugh. Why does coffee have so many steps?
Finally hitting the "brew" button, her husband's chipper whistle sang.
Hanging her head, she said with sticky sweetness, "Would you like some, dear?"
Notice the first two sentences in the second example have the same structure as above. I am intentionally breaking my own rule to give a monotonous feel. You might notice similar structure with all the sentences involving the coffee making. The interjections are short and quippy in attempt at crafting Sarah's voice. The competing structures take a mundane task, and make it interesting. Again, I'm intentionally playing with the structure to make it feel mundane.
Using dialogue, having her curse even without the word, immediately catches the reader, giving a momentary, "Wait, what happened?" followed by a quick three word action.
The details included in the next sentence, "wet, wadded towel," "abandoned," "after 'helping'," offer details into Sarah's state in life, without saying, "she's a tired, overworked mom."
"Well that didn't work," and "Seriously?" hint that Sarah is a quippy, snarky lady. Maybe you even have a rough age impression, as "Seriously" was slang in late 90's early 2000.
That she unexpectedly finds the filters empty bag, even though there's more in the pantry, hints someone else might have filled it last. Immediately that thought is backed up by her chipper husband's whistle.
Did you catch the undertones of frustration and anger? Did you feel for Sarah? It was her own mistake (spilling water) that led to her initial frustration, but did it offer a connection? Was it less boring?
Trying things out, again and again, getting feedback from fellow readers, reading "how to" writing books, and reading books in our genre will all help you hone your voice.
These two pieces are literally first draft to second draft. I haven't written or developed Sarah at all. Are there places I want to improve? You betcha. Honestly I wonder if it works well as a "how to" at all, but that's that inner imposter syndrome's whisper. I believe my point that analyzing our own work helps us see where we've erred, is reflected in those examples.
So the next time that monster jumps up and says, "Am I any good?" You can know with a certainty that you improve every day.
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