Journaling My Written History

I finished my first novel in fourth grade. All 98 pages of handwritten awfulness, still I found the "The End" and it filled me with dopamine and got me several "congratulations!"

I'd jumped my first hurdle. The completion. Then my father, in his wisdom, said, "Now edit it!"

Problem was, school taught me editing was putting the capitals, commas, periods, and question marks in the right place. I did that, but didn't know what to do next. So, I went to my teacher who asked, "what genre?"

"Historical fantasy!" I said proudly.

To which he responded, "Have you done your research?"

So I marched my little fourth grade self down to the public library and hunted down every Christopher Columbus book I could find... and promptly realized that my line-edited, weeks-in novel sided so hard on the fantasy angle of history that it didn't even make sense for me to pursue the project. Christopher Columbus was not a great dude and I didn't want to idealize him the way my school had.

Fast forward from 4th grade to 12th. It was two am, and I was sprawled across my bed as I wrote the final line to An Uncharted Destiny followed by "The End."

Instant best seller, I thought. I literally jumped on my bed squealing for joy until my mother came in. We celebrated with hot chocolate, and then a "Go to bed!"

I spent the summer after 12th grade typing every handwritten word. 273 double spaced pages! And I remembered my dad's advice from fourth grade, "Now edit it!" I had four years of high school yearbook class to teach me how to edit, so I was a pro, right? I knew to consider formatting, and consistency when spelling names and places, in addition to the proper capitals, commas, periods, and question marks. I even went so far as to check out a "how to edit" book from the library. It was incredibly dry and all about rules, still, I spent another few weeks perfecting every bit of grammar. Then, using a "Writer's Market" from the library, sent it off.

Wouldn't you know? I got rejected!

I didn't know what to do. Also, I had ran out of money, and I had to get a day job. Nothing kills your writing career dreams faster than 50+ hours working in a daycare being puked, pooped, and peed on. I came home and fell into bed over and over again. I cried because they didn't have good breaks in place, because children were being dropped off when I arrived at 4:30 am and staying past when I went home at 7:30 pm. It was a toxic environment that I'm grateful eventually got the real help and legislation it needed. A month later I changed job paths to my local library, foolishly thinking I'd have more time... but 40 hours a week there still tapped my creativity.

I also, just couldn't figure out how to start over. That rejection sat with me for years. They were my dream publisher, I'd read their books since I turned 12. I was certain my novel would be accepted and I'd be amazing. I never even considered rejection was a possibility. Realize, I grew up in a land where the only internet was the family computer shared with five other people and the search engines were so new there wasn't a standard. Researching "book publishing" could return everything from how to make your own paper to books printed near you or scrap booking.

It was about two years into my library career when I was chatting with a co-worker and he asked if I'd ever read my own story. Was it any good? I remember thinking "but I wrote it... of course its good!" Only to really think back. I hadn't read it. My friend had read each chapter as I'd written it, sometimes weeks apart.

So, I went home and re-read Uncharted, and discovered, horribly, that it was terrible.

I'd broken so many story elements. In my naivety, I'd line edited before actually reviewing the story. My grammar was good, but the story was... we'll call it, "fractured." It missed genre-classifications I didn't understand then, somewhere between a YA hero's journey, a play-by-play middle grade, and an adult, albeit sweet, romance. At one point I said the palace was a six month carriage ride away, the next chapter I had them arriving the next morning. Plot-holes and structure weren't things I'd ever heard of.

All I knew, was it wasn't what it should be.

So discouraged, I put it down.

Still that dream of being a writer nibbled. I decided to scale back at the library, and delved into college. I joined writing classes, most of which were "turn in a piece of writing and have other students tell you how much it sucks." Helpful in developing a thick skin, not so helpful in figuring out structure, finding plot holes, understanding pacing, hooks, genres, marketing.

During my college years, I started two new novels, but they fizzled out before the end. Honestly, I think I aged out of them, also, I couldn't decide what I wanted them to do. One became incredibly violent, the other has merit, but isn't in me at the moment.

Life passed. I got my AA, I transferred schools to Colorado, thinking to become an artist, but became a mother instead. Isn't that the best art, though? In 2012, I wrote a lot of short stories, even publishing some of them. I had a second baby, and my creative juices got redirected into my 5 year old and infant, and writing fell away. Then I moved back to Idaho with my husband and family.

It wasn't until my youngest was going into Kindergarten that I picked up writing again. And it wasn't until then that I started really learned how to be an author instead of a writer.

All those things I expected to learn in college I found on my own with the modern era of the internet. I've spent hundreds of hours taking free writing classes, thousands more actually writing, a few hundred on marketing. I've earned a completely edited and polished novel, so many rejections, and two traditionally published short stories.

I've come such a long way, but I still have am developing my process.

One of the best classes I've taken was Margaret Atwood's Masterclass. In it she advices writing out a "where you are" journal entry so you can analyze what you need to change.

Consider this my analysis:

I am a dedicated person. I put between 20-40 hours a week into writing. (Allowing sick/vacation days like my "traditionally" employed husband.)

I sprint Monday through Friday, recording it on a spreadsheet my friend created. Statistically, that averages out to about one and a quarter hours of actual writing time a day. I would like this to improve to about 2 hours a day, as my goal is about 500 hours a year.

I use a Google Tab Group with my music, book, inspirational pinterest pics, and the dictionary while writing so my "office" is set up at a single click of the button.

I have a coffee and a water available on my desk to start the morning.

I have Discord and WhatsApp with my writing buddies available should I have a writing "crisis."

I am attempting to study a chapter a week. This is something that I keep "forgetting" to do now that my discord buddy and I have a drifted apart with random life stuff. I need to give myself an incentive or maybe a coloring box in my bullet journal to rebuild this habit.

I would like to continue blogging, every week. The goal with publishing every Thursday. Its a great journaling technique, and helps me analyze my process.

My edits on my Christmas romance have completely stalled. I haven't read anyone else's work in a while either. I should consider delving into this aspect of my career again. I know it makes me a better writer.

Okay, analysis complete, and I have four new goals! With the goal of a published novel in mind, I need to refocus on my novel editing and writing.